A spilt life

I wake up just past midnight
And feel like something is missing
I've lost something precious
It's as if I spilt milk
And I can not place it back in the bottle
I'm choked up with tears
...and longing
Where has that happy, carefree me gone?
Why this indescribable sadness
...and hurt?
Living on the surface
suddenly plunging deeper
Touching regrets and longings
Struggling back to the surface
I may drown in these depths
Drown in wanting it to be different
other
than what is -
Better to accept and
appreciate and
focus on
being grateful
I
fl
oat
back
to the surface
survive

Belly dancers extraordinaire

Tuesday night belly dancing on Kauai - what an unexpected delight

The setting: Cafe Coco, on the east side ...open air funky with exotic orchids dangling from the sorta canvas sorta bamboo ceiling... plastic white tables and chairs. Mostly dark except for the two big spotlights for the dancers ...tea lights and citronella candles to ward off the mossies. Order at the counter - pumpkin soup and samoosas... and pizza and salad....

It's November and the weather is still barmy and warm. A red carpet is rolled out and a huge silver Bast - you know, the Egyptian cat - is placed close by. Tonight is Tuesday night and the Kauai Belly dancers are going to perform. We have a table in prime position. Last time we'd try to see the show, it had been rained out. Tonight was going to be special - Halloween follow up.

And then the music starts and think exotic ...Music and costumes -black beaded bra with beaded tassles. Black silk chaffony skirt in layers of nothing and a silver coin belt of many layers. Black gloves. Black headdress with almost like a shiny brooch in the center ...and the snake sensuous movements ...and new dancer in turquoise and more movements and floaty sunset scarf that entices and transports....beyond fantasy...Long hair. Veils lifted, so eyes can peer. Eyes dancing. Hair dancing. Bellies swaying. Sweat sheens show looking so natural takes work. Hips vip'ping as they say in Afrikaans but in glorious sensual movements first and then a deliberate vip...coins jangle...And dancer with sword on head and through all the moves ...even going way down and turning on her side and tummy and such like, the sword stays put ...

And then Kunti, named for the sacred ancient Hindu goddess - this gorgeous, long dark haired creature moved and swirled and shook her entire body and I couldn't believe anybody could be so exquisitely full of life and its delishiohshusness...Beautiful body. Curves. Bare tight midriff. Bra of sparkling 'water on oil' colors - pinks and purples and dark green but almost black at the same time - and of course now I don't even know if I've remembered the colors properly.. Hips revealed through spider like web of jewels. Triangular fabric like mermaid tails swishing as she moved like I still can't believe is possible...later she pulled me out of my seat ...and showed me how to sway my hips and shake from the knees ..

I still feel intoxicated by the sheer sensuality and beauty and eroticism or filled up with seeing someone spreading the yumminess of oh doesn't it feel good to have a body and to be able to do magical things with it...just wanted to share that slice of pure yumminess ...