Yesterday I’m in heaven and its rainbows and hopes and I’m like a purring cat. Today I’m not!
The day started well. Usual ritual of orange juice, tea, daily readings, coffee and papaya. My ‘day off’ and I meet a girlfriend for a walk on the east side. We comment on how lucky we are to enjoy this warm water, and soul nourishing sight of clear, turquoise ocean water as we walk. We stop and sit on a log and chat about the myths we are living. We swim in delicious, clear and enfolding warm water. We walk back to the parking lot, and this is where my day suddenly takes on a different quality.
A car that starts. Fires ups and then dies. The engine turns over but there’s no vooma to move. I try to rev it, she has no oomph and stalls. If I start, and take my foot off the gas she sort of idles. Dare I try to drive and she jerks and splutters and dies. I know this pattern. For the last two months this happens every two/three weeks - this is the fourth time I promise myself, “Enough!”
On most days she drives like a dream. Light on gas too. Only cost me $500, and another $300 to repair the fuel pump. So the benefits are clear. She doesn’t cost me much. She’s an island car that gets me to where I want to be. No frills. Her air conditioner is wind-down-the-window-style. She’s a red, 1989, Pontiac Le Mans.
Today when she did the splutter, hiccup, stall routine I felt frustrated. I fell straight into poor- me zone. Why did I have to put up with this piece of shit car?
“Well get a ‘real’ job, earn some ‘real’ money! For God’s sake stop whining and do something about this.”
Caught between paradigms. Between belief systems. My ‘old’ system says: “If you want it, you’ll have to make it happen.”
There goes that other voice - “Gratitude Sharon! You have a home. You live on Kauai. Your day has a relaxed rhythm, and you even get to enjoy a walk on the beach most days. Perspective. What will you have to sacrifice to get a new car?”
Maybe it's not a new car - just a different, more reliable car...